This post was originally published on coreyscottnaas.wordpress.com on 27 April 2020.
I’ve been working from home for over a month now, and the first few weeks I updated my work Skype statuses daily. Here are some of the better ones.
At home, nobody knows how messy your desk is
Not suggesting that my desk at work was any cleaner, but at least I can pretend my home desk is clean.
And so we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the conference calls.
Gatsby believed in the green light, but not the “Join Call” button.
At home, nobody can complain about the volume of your *CLACK*k*CLACK*e*CLACK*y*CLACK*b*CLACK*o*CLACK*a*CLACK*r*CLACK*d*CLACK*
It really is a loud keyboard.
♫ Ooh you can dance, just stay inside, having the time of your life / Ooh write that code, make that screen, digging the quarantine ♫
Never a bad time for ABBA.
Don’t point at the screen during a conference call
I might have done this once or twice, but I’ll never admit it.
What did the dad say to his disobedient son who went and did what his dad just punished him for? “Whelp, https://goo.gl/maps/aaMMg43rh9cbarEu8“
Probably the stupidest pun I’ve ever thought of.
XIC RedBull OTE Productivity
PLC programming puns. Basically “IF RedBull THEN Productivity”.
♫ My gift is my rung, and this one’s for you / And you can tell everybody, this is your rung / it may by quite simple but, now that XICs done / I hope you don’t mind, I hope you don’t mind, that I put down in MOVs / how wonderful scans are, while you’re in the world ♫
More PLC puns. Sorry. Also, I prefer the Ewan Mcgregor version to the original. I stand by this.
♫ If you change your mind, I’m the first in line / Honey, I’m still free, Hit me up on Teams / If you need me, let me know, Gonna be around / If you’ve got no place to go, If your code is down ♫
Again, never a bad time for ABBA.
Two projects, both alike in dignity,
In fair Integra, where we lay our scene,
From ancient code break to new developing,
Where civil teams make civil conference calls unclean.
From forth the fatal Skypes of these two foes,
a pair of star-crossed inovees takes their laptop’s life;
whose misadventured piteous overthrows
do with their laptops’ death bury their teammate’s strife.
The fearful passage of their BSOD mark’d screens,
And the continuance of their teammate’s rage,
which but their coder’s end nought could remove
is now the two hour’s traffic of our stage.
The which if you with patient ears attend
what here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend.
And finally, my Magnum Opus. Somehow making Shakespeare nerdier than it already was.