This post was originally published on coreyscottnaas.wordpress.com on 3 November 2019.
Pardon the stream-of-consciousness, but here are some introspective thoughts I had while watching Arrival at two o’clock in the morning.
Time. How do different people imagine, remember time? I visualize time in my mind as a linear timeline, a chronology of events. Left to right. Visual calendar. One day after the other. I zoom in on the list of years to find months, months to weeks, weeks to days. A visual pictorial record of days, hours, minutes. My memory is not so good as to remember each day in detail, nay to remember days at all, but I remember periods of time. Seasons. And the emotions tied to each season
Music helps me remember. Music binds memories and periods to itself. Songs convey feelings to me, the periods of time that I discovered a particular song, or periods that I decide a song should be bound to.
Events. Friends. Relationships. Places. Feelings. Happiness. Sadness. Despair. Grief. Relationship starts. Relationship ends. Breakups. Discovery. Loss. Family. Loved ones. Previously loved ones. Hopeful loved ones. Crushes. Rivals. School. Graduation. Trips. Activities. Devices. Connection. Detachment. Actions. Inactions. Regret.
Music conveys all of these to me. It is only with music that I can remember it all. Music helps me think. Music helps me remember. To me, music is time. Music is a record. Music is my history. That is why I curate my music. That is why I create playlists for each season. That is why I keep spreadsheets of songs tied to specific events, emotions, and people. Because otherwise I will forget. And to forget myself is something to fear.
The ability to remember, to recall, is what makes us who we are. The ability to remember allows us to forgive. To forget is not to forgive. To remember and to choose is to forgive.
To remember is to learn. To learn is to grow. There is no growth without memory. And to lose the ability to grow is truly something to fear. To lose to ability to learn is something to fear. To lose the ability to remember, even to lose the ability to remember that which I have forgotten, that is something to fear. To forget is to lose control of yourself. To forget is to lose yourself.